Oh Madeline

Must be the clouds in my eyes

2010-01-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

Hey, so yeah it's been a while. I'm going to see if I can start again. Unfortunately, right now I've got nothing. But it's a start right?

Cheater post, just texts.

2008-03-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

What is plan tonight? Just got home from jail. Need a nap.
Loudly clicking clock in waiting room at HIV testing site is a bad idea.
Sharon, part of our flight crew, is going person to person introducing herself.
Sharon is gunning for flight attendant of the month award obviously.
Now. You, me, Dr. Mario.
Whiskey in coffee 9am at Clooney's. We will bring our own mugs.

We're all rope and no neck

2008-03-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

I was on call today to make up for missing class last week and I totally didn't get called on. I did, however, spend the entire class holding my breath because honestly I have no idea what is happening.

Yesterday I met with someone in jail. And so I spent a fair amount of time last night dealing with that. I haven't had clients in a while; last semester I worked at an impact litigation place and spoke with people only over the phone and last summer I was stuck in a sweltering office in India doing busy work. And I think that the lack of contact with clients has really been affecting me. More than usual I've been having huge crises about what I'm doing with my time and how much I hate law. Working directly with someone yesterday helped ground me a little, I think, because it reaffirmed that people really need help protecting themselves against the state and the state's legal system. Even though I cried myself into exhaustion, I definitely need to have direct client contact if I'm going to do this work. Today I'm exhausted and have a headache, but I don't feel that I've completely wasted three years as much.

The person I cried around told me I needed to toughen up (nicely), that I had to find some way to have thicker skin so I didn't sob myself into exhaustion every night. And, while that it is true that I can't go through that every night, I also don't want to lose the part of me that is so emotional and raw about this stuff. I mean, I definitely am able to compartmentalize things and hold my shit together when working with clients. I can think rationally rather than emotionally and play puzzle games with people's lives and legal problems. But, it doesn't stay compartmentalized. And I think in order to do that I would have to kill some part of me. Or at least something would be lost. I mean, yes, I have to be able to do my job, and no, I can't get so emotionally invested in every case and every person that I die at the end of the day. But, what makes me do this is the fact that it all matters so fucking much to me. And I don't want there to be a day when I'm so jaded and tuned out that what made me cry yesterday doesn't have the same effect. Of course, I just put together this whole series on avoiding burnout and self care and I know that it can be overwhelmingly emotionally taxing. But, beyond that, I was this person before law school and I want to be this person afterwards - not someone whose emotional response to things has been shut off. Again, although I'm exhausted and my head hurts today, I feel better about this whole law school thing than I have in a really long time. I hope I'm always as big a pansy as I am now.

Differently:

Earlier this week I went to a meeting about domestic violence and immigrant communities. I knew the DA was going to be represented, but what I didn't know was that it was going to be the person who freaked out on me in class demanding to know if I wanted to live next to drug dealers who shot me and ranting that I don't pay taxes (which: shhhh). When I got there this person hadn't yet arrived and pre-meeting we were all making small talk. When I told one of the attendees that I wanted to do anti-prison work she gave me a copy of CR's winter newsletter The Abolitionist. When the DA who hates me came in the only available chair was next to me and I had The Abolitionist in front of me. It totally looked like I was bating her.

Notes from the playground

2008-03-13T13:23:00.000-07:00

I was on-call in my class this morning. For this class we have to volunteer to be on-call for two days and, when we are on-call, must be prepared to answer the professor's obscure questions about the readings. I was rather behind in the readings for this class so have worked quite hard the past few days to catch up and make sure I was prepared. And I totally was. I stayed late last night preparing and was dreading that I was only going to be able to get 6.5 hours of sleep. Not to worry. I didn't set my alarm and was woken up by a car alarm on the street at 8:40. 5 minutes after class started. My commute is at least an hour. There was no way I could make it to class. I emailed the professor that I have the plague and now have to sign up for another day. Which means I'm going to have to continue doing my reading, something that really doesn't work with my plan for the rest of the semester. And seriously, my throat does hurt and I'm exhausted. I think I really am coming down with the plague. Again, not something that really fits into my plan for the semester.

Texts sent yesterday regarding school:

- There are two bros playing volleyball in the courtyard lawn. One's shirt says 'work hard play hard'. I hate my school.

- Am now in cafe eating lunch. A girl on the couch has her feet up on a coffee table. No shoes.

Now all these tastes improve with the view that comes with you

2008-03-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

You know how toddlers totally act like assholes right before they take some gigantic developmental leap forward? Like the kid will be a complete pain and you'll want to die and then it'll do theoretical math or something and all of its assholery was because its brain was freaking out to get ready to do that? Yeah, I have that a bit in reverse. So, I'm a little smitten with this one kid right now and things are awesome and he is awesome and I like being near him. Sounds uncomplicated. Only every time we agree to do something new, something that I want (like leaving a toothbrush at his house), a few hours later I'll go through an absolutely obnoxious asshole phase where I hate everyone and everything. Thankfully I'm pretty good at sequestering myself and explaining to people that I need to be allowed to stomp and pout and throw a temper tantrum on my own, away from civilized society. Then, once my brain finishes freaking out I can go back to being normal, content with whatever developmental step forward I've made with him.

Then negotiate a peace contract

2008-03-10T10:11:00.001-07:00

This morning I kicked my own ass at the gym. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to walk later. I live on the third floor and taking the trash down when I got home was a huge ordeal. Also, once home all I wanted to eat was a banana and a Luna bar. WTF healthy! I hate hate hate when my body is all healthy on its own initiative.

The third of the lunches I've been working on organizing was today and it went really well. The speakers were super engaging and although we had a smaller turnout than last time there was a lot more discussion and questions. Yay. The final one is next Monday and then I can put this horrible ordeal behind me.

The guy in front of me directly across the table has been DIGGING into his nose off and on for the past 4 hours. My gag reflex stirs every time he does it. And, I would totally take Reagan's advice and not look, but his face is above the top of my computer and I can't help but notice it.

Twice today I've had major mood shifts hit me out of nowhere. I was feeling all worked out but happy after the gym, but somewhere on the BART ride I lost the post-gym high and got all emo and introspective. It was really hard to get off the BART, I just wanted to keep riding and listening to music. Once I got to school I was fine. Then, I was gchatting with Smelliot and totally started panicking about something that I have absolutely no reason to panic over. At least I think I don't. Crap, I don't know, maybe I should panic. Anyway, I really just want the blood to come so the hormones will calm the fuck down.

I'll kill who you hate, take off that dress you won't freeze

2008-03-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

Last night J & N, ill.cut.you and I went to the ballet. We all dressed up slightly - ill.cut.you and I ended up wearing basically the same outfit *twinsies!* and J was freezing. We all looked stunning of course.

We saw the tribute to Jerome Robbins. I especially liked the rumbles from West Side Story and the knife fight. The first dance was these three sailors who hit on two women and then fight over their attentions. The first woman they come across they harass: they steal her purse and throw it to each other, they grab her when she tries to leave, they encircle her and don't let her move. Ill.cut.you and I found it pretty disturbing but the audience was laughing. I thought it was uncomfortable and scary. Eventually she apparently gives in to their charms because she hangs out with them for a bit. Other than that part I really liked the whole thing.

Today I've been mostly productive. I wasted far too much time this morning. Again. Because I was rolling on far too little sleep. Again. But, I've been mostly able to focus and get work done. Of course Smell came over for tea and gossip and that was another 2 hours gone. Ok, maybe I haven't really accomplished much of anything. Still, compared to how slack I've been recently today has been amazingly productive. Back to work.

WTF Library

2008-03-07T13:31:00.000-08:00

I'm in the computer lab not getting work done. This guy at a computer near me just took out finger nail clippers and clipped his nails at the desk, while listening to something through headphones. He then brushed his freshly clipped nails onto the floor. WTF?! Seriously, does this stuff happen when other people are in the library? I'm starting to feel kind of crazy, like somehow I have no clues about social rules or something because all of these things seem so inappropriate to me, but I don't hear other people freaking out about them. Clipping your fingernails in the computer lab is not normal, right?

The warden says the exit is sold

2008-03-06T10:41:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I felt like I had morning sickness. Chill out babies, I don't, I just felt like it. Smells were not good and the guy who sat next to me on BART smelled of Otter Pops – normally a really slight, innocuous smell. Yesterday he was lucky I didn't vomit in his lap. The nausea gradually passed throughout the day and by dinner I was starving. I had really yummy Thai food which I probably ate too much of too fast so that I didn't feel so great at the start of game night. That did not slow me down in the least, however, and I totally kicked ass.

I think caffeine contributed to my nausea yesterday and I decided to start cutting it out. Of course, my doctor also totally threatened me so it isn’t just me trying to be all healthy and whatnot. Standard, I’ve already changed my plan from “no caffeine” to “I’ll try tea and see how that goes.” So I’ve just finished my first cup and so far my hands aren’t shaking and my mouth isn’t watering in that pre-puke sort of way. We’ll see.

I’m freaking out again about career stuff. If I’m taking the California bar I need to do all sorts of stuff right now. In fact, some of it I should’ve done a few months ago. The New York bar, on the other hand, doesn’t enroll until April. So, while I’m pretty certain I’m going to NY, I’m definitely at the point of foreclosing other possibilities. And I don’t have a job lined up in NY and probably won’t until I get my results. That is a long time of trying to figure out ways to support myself. At least in SF I have a really cheap apartment. It’s all so scary and I don’t really know what to do. Ugh. I’m guessing this also contributed to my recent bout of pukeyness.

In other non-vomit news, I am so fucking squish right now.

Rather than work

2008-03-04T20:14:00.000-08:00

I should be working on my writing requirement. Instead I'm carrying on multiple conversations over gchat and moving my old myspace blog posts into this blog. Productive!

Why I hate the library: part eight billion

2008-03-03T11:34:00.000-08:00

This guy was walking out of the main reading room. At the door he paused, hawked up a bunch of phlegm and spit it into the trashcan. I think I want to puke.

It takes more time to make a fake

2008-03-03T08:40:00.000-08:00

My experimentation phase might be coming to an end. Dating straight boys is complicated and in my fumbling around I think I keep messing up.

Yesterday was so great outside and I took the day off. I spent the morning making a friendship bracelet and eating fruit on my front stoop. Then I met up with a friend and climbed around on some hills that I've never been to before. I ended the day smelling like dirt and sunscreen, a smell I love. After an awkward, not terribly productive time with one of the aforementioned straight boys I met up with the other Smell I love and watched a documentary about the funeral business. We thought it would be more about the history, but instead was like a commercial for at-home funerals. It was kind of boring.

This morning I was about half way through my planned workout at the gym when I realized I'd sent some emails out incorrectly last night. I jumped off the elliptical and rushed home without stretching or anything. Probably not the best idea, but I was able to resend the right information before they'd been forwarded. Whew.

If you're on campus today, come to the lunch I've planned.

Why I hate the library: part eighty seven million

2008-03-01T14:20:00.000-08:00

It is absolutely perfect outside and I am stuck in the library. I've been here for 2.5 hours and I've edited about 10 sentences. Not the best ratio.

Annoying and/or gross things that have happened in the 7 minutes since I've walked back in the main reading room from an hour long conversation I had outside (which was way too personal for the courtyard):

* The cell phone of a girl who was not in the room went off. Loudly. Playing the Beach Boy's Fun, Fun, Fun.

* The guy sharing my table has burped loudly a few times. He doesn't acknowledge them.

* The guy in my immediate line of vision at the table diagonal to me has picked his nose.

I was hanging out with someone earlier this week who totally didn't wash his hands after peeing. In fact, his bathroom didn't even have soap by the sink. Is there an appropriate way of addressing that?

Read into the text

2008-02-29T18:50:00.000-08:00

Me: I'm in the library and the girl across from me keeps whispering "I understand". Presumably when, you know, she gets it. Every time she does it I'm startled.

ill.cut.you: I understand

Apparently I'm making up for not writing all this month for writing 29 posts in one day.

No other choice

2008-02-29T10:48:00.000-08:00

Israel's deputy defense minister, Matan Vilnai said Palestinians risked a "shoah", the Hebrew word for a big disaster - and for the Nazi Holocaust.

With questionable plumbing and a gray cat

2008-02-28T12:20:00.000-08:00

So recently I'm quite crap at keeping this updated. Sorry. Heaps of things have happened. I just found out I didn't get the scholarship so I won't be jetting off to Sweden once school ends. I'm waiting to hear back about a second interview for a job that is somewhat near the Bay Area but even if offered I'm not sure I'd take it. The newest plan is the most exciting and seems most likely to happen: New York.

My older brother was here for an all too short visit. I'm really hoping to lure him back for a longer time. I really thought the nicely made bed and clean towel would've won him over.

For now I'm killing myself with my writing requirement, too many school obligations and organizing an avoiding burnout for social justice lawyers thing (which belies its name and has caused me entirely too much stress). Luckily, in the midst of all of this, there has been kissing.

Birds

2008-02-18T18:13:00.001-08:00

If you love me (and let's not fool ourselves, we're both pretty sure you do), you will understand that I need this.

Strictly television

2008-02-08T15:25:00.000-08:00

I am amazed by people who unselfconsciously check themselves out on public transportation or even who preen in the mirror in public restrooms. It seems somehow vulgar to me. I can barely glance at myself.

I wish I'd done my writing requirement on something else. And now I'm obsessed with the idea and feel like I need to write this additional paper as some sort of side project. Which: dumb. I'm barely surviving as it is.

I have an interview tomorrow morning for a job I'm not sure I want. Still, any job is better than unemployment, right? The job isn't in the Bay Area, but it might be close. I talked to someone yesterday who I nearly instantly didn't like (and I have to pretend to because of the relationship I'm in with this person). Anyway, said annoyance probably got under my skin a bit because she was talking about how she's going to stay in the Bay Area after graduating because she is working at a firm. I got pissed thinking about how I've been here for 8 years (14 total in California), all of my social ties outside of my siblings are here, it feels like home. And, because I've decided not to go firm, I have to give all of it up. No matter what I do after I graduate, it is pretty certain I won't be able to do it here. At least not at first. That had hit me yesterday afternoon - I'm moving away from here in about 6 months. Away from all of my friends. And then, to have this annoyance who has just moved here for law school be able to stay because she is working at a firm really upset me. It doesn't feel fair. Right now I'm too overwhelmed to really think about it much, but once I have the opportunity to really consider it, I'm going to be quite sad.

They don't care and we don't care too

2008-02-05T15:13:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, I haven't written anything in days. Leave me alone, school is kicking my ass.

Noisy eaters love me.

In the main reading room at the law school you can eat and drink (though there is a long list of how your liquid has to be contained). Today a woman came and sat across from me at my table and pulled out a little lunch cooler thing. She made a huge production of getting her yogurt out and opened and then proceeded to eat yogurt with a level of noise I never knew possible. Seriously, its effing yogurt, how much noise can one person make? After eating, she noisily collected things and left the room.

Right now the reading room is relatively empty, there is space on every table here. I'm tucked into a corner by a window at the very edge of an otherwise empty table. And some blond with huge sparkley diamond rings felt the need to sit directly across from me and eat what looks like honey roasted almonds. One by one, waiting until I'd just gotten used to the silence again to crack another one between her teeth. She finally finished her bag of nuts, got a text, collected her things and left.

Reinitiating contact

2008-01-26T15:38:00.000-08:00

Ew, gross. I'm in the computer lab and it is basically empty. Nonetheless some guy felt the need to sit at the computer right next to me and scratch his wang loudly and continuously. WTF? I totally feel like he's getting off on this.

This makes me want to start bringing antiseptic wipes to school so I can decontaminate everything. It also makes me want to hit him.

I wish I was

2008-01-06T00:49:00.000-08:00

I'm in New York. Gale force winds (apparently they do happen in San Francisco) cancelled my flight on Friday and now everything is booked. I should be back home on Monday, come over for biscuits and tea.

Report

2007-12-18T09:09:00.000-08:00

This is what I worked on this past semester: Antioch police accused of unfairly cracking down on black tenants. Don't ask me anything about it unless you want to listen to me for hours.

I really wanted to go to the Board of Commissioners meeting today, but I have yet to finish my paper. I hate how school skews my priorities.

I have the rage

2007-12-13T11:49:00.001-08:00

On Tuesday I submitted an on-line application for a masters program. Then I noticed that there was a slight mistake and emailed them to ask if I should send an ammendment correcting the mistake with my paper copy or if I had to reapply completely. I got an email back saying they had to delete my original application and I would have to reapply. I okayed the deletion assuming it would be no problem to fill out a new application. Only the site has been down ever since. I have to fill it out and submit on-line as well as print it out and send a hard copy that has to be post marked by Saturday. I'm so completely freaking out right now and they're in Spain so I'm working with a 9 hour time difference. I'm in such a stressed out horrible mood that I'm ready to punch out the ass who answered his phone in the library and the two guys carrying on a non-whispered conversation next to me. I am small mean.

I could watch this for days

2007-12-10T16:42:00.001-08:00

My first real concert, the one I stood in line to get tickets to, was Bruce Springsteen. The Tunnel of Love Tour. I remember how hot and sticky it was the night we stood in line to get tickets. I hadn't been able to sleep at all and we left while it was still dark out. I cried because my seats weren't that great and some guy traded tickets with us. To me, he is the personification of sexy.

We live like animals seven days a week

2007-12-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my last day of classes for the semester and I celebrated with a bottle of something. By the time I got to ill.cut.you's house I was ~~slighly tipsy~~ drunk. I was wearing my pigeon t-shirt and ill.cut.you was wearing a tiger shirt. At first we were excited we were both wearing animal shirts. However, I quickly realized that the tiger would eat the pigeon. I only remember being slightly upset, but ill.cut.you assures me I "got all sad because tiger would kill and eat the pigeon."

Examined

2007-12-03T14:04:00.000-08:00

I passed the MPRE. Yay. It definitely wasn't a sure thing.

I finally went to the doctor to get my hands checked out, a month after I first noticed that they were sensitive and cracking. Turns out I have eczema. Gross. The doctor gave me some steroid cream stuff to put on them and hopefully they'll stop looking like I was submerged underwater for hours. I put the cream on and now can't stop touching my eyes. I'm worried my eyes are going to get all big and muscley and bulge out or something. Kind of like that time my older sister stuck a suction cup toy to my left eye. We were getting babysat by some people who had a toddler and the kid had one of those toys you suction cup to their highchair; similar to this, but not as ornate:

Anyway, Kim stuck in on my eye and I of course screamed my head off and, because we were young and stupid and didn't understand suction, she ripped it off of my eye without loosening the edges first. And all of my blood vessels popped and I looked hideous. But I totally thought I was a bad ass with my red, veiny, bulgey eye. So yeah, I'm worried something like that will happen again because I can't keep my steroid slathered hands out of my eyes. The end.

PS - Read this: Bay Area counties toughest on black drug offenders

PPS - This increases my obsession with Svalbard. I love that the scientist calls it a monster.

We choose our sides in razor like lines

2007-12-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

Last night ill.cut.you and I unintentionally offended some young hipsters who've recently moved to SF from Salt Lake City. Unfortunately they're not Mormon. They were, however, both flagging but didn't realize what they were saying with their handkerchiefs and back pockets. I guess we weren't super sensitive in letting them know. After we realized that we'd hurt their feelings we tried to apologize but they're were all tough guy "Uh, whatever, I'm not offended. I don't care." Their toughness was actually funnier than the original issue but I think us laughing made them more upset. Also, the reason they wear them was nonsensical - something about all of your friends wear them but nobody bothers to coordinate the colors so you can wear whichever kind you want and then you put them on your face when you fight or something, which totally makes no sense because if they're not coordinated how does anyone know whose handkerchiefed friend is whose? They explained it didn't matter because you knew your own friends, in which case why the handkerchiefs in the first place? And also, when a fight breaks out in SLC does everyone just stop for a second so that they can all put on their handkerchiefs? Is there some code of conduct that guarantees no one punches until the last handkerchief is tied? I really don't understand. Anyway, ill.cut.you and I are not mean when we're together, we're funny and you are just too sensitive.

The chaos of the beginning of the week is gone and I feel so much better.

And when the world blows up/I'll hold your hand

2007-11-29T15:49:00.000-08:00

When I ordered coffee the guy who works in the coffee shop (no, not that guy, I think he quit) told me to let him know if there is anything he can get for me. That he is here for me. (emphasis in the original) I think he takes his customer service-ness a little too seriously.

This is what I want to be doing with my life. The Daily Coyote: Charlie came into my life when he was just ten days old, orphaned after both his parents were killed. He lives with me and a tomcat in a one-room log cabin in Wyoming. Towns of 300 probably don't need a lawyer, huh?

I've talked with a friend of mine recently about not wanting to live here any longer. I honestly don't really know what I want. Sometimes I love this city, sometimes I'm ready to pack tomorrow and leave for New York, and sometimes I want to be far away from any city, living somewhere like Lesley (TX Lesley, not Delhi Lesley) or in a one-room log cabin in Wyoming. I know I have a highly romanticized view of what it would be like to live in a one-room log cabin in Wyoming but really, how could you not romanticize that? And then, finally, I could have a dog (along with my baby coyote).

(I got to the Coyote blog through Dooce)

I'm not advocating a return to medicinal earwax, but a little calm is in order

2007-11-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

You should read Stiff and Spook. I'd say Mary Roach is brilliant but I've been told I use throw that word around without giving it proper weight. Both of these books make me laugh out loud in public places and I know that as I read them my face twists from delight to horror to shock to disgust. Any book that can make that happen, in fact makes it impossible for you not to react, has got to be brilliant, right?

Also, bad to worse. I want to run away.

Around the world heart breaker

2007-11-26T19:52:00.001-08:00

Paperboy's lyrics in "Ditty" reference "flowin' like Niagra" but it was 1992 so there is no follow up rhyme about Viagra.

Things I lost on Saturday:

1. My white ring (found later under the couch)
2. My new lip balm (replaced today by a cheaper but less petroleum based model)
3. A bit of my sense of self (regained after realizing that now I can walk away without regret)

Update 1: I am unimpressed with my new lip balm

Update 2: I realized today that while Saturday was not graceful it was honest. And I'll never be known for my grace, but want to try harder to be more honest.

Smell ya later

2007-11-26T19:31:00.000-08:00

I was so happy with the scratch-n-sniff chocolate scented lotion at work that I bought some coco butter lotion this weekend. Only I didn't buy the same brand and the kind I bought doesn't smell like scratch-n-sniff chocolate; it smells like scented candles. The kind that just sort of smell like wax and cheap perfume. Yuck.

When I bought the lotion I also bought new lip balm stuff. Which feels so extravagant for some reason even though my lips are really chapped. And I've already lost it. I have no idea how long it'll take me to feel justified buying another.

Post Thankfulness

2007-11-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

Smell sent me this link under the subject title "Fear". Of the Conservapedia Commandments, I particularly like:
When referencing dates based on the approximate birth of Jesus, give appropriate credit for the basis of the date (B.C. or A.D.). "BCE" and "CE" are unacceptable substitutes because they deny the historical basis.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I was supposed to go dancing but ended up knitting a baby blanket while drinking whiskey and watching The Princess Diaries. It was kind of perfect.

I'd like to listen to your boxed set of boxed sets

2007-11-22T10:20:00.000-08:00

I'm putting together a "Best of Hand Clapping" Album. Here's what I have so far, in alphabetical order:

The Aisler's Set "Long Division"
The Bangs "Southern Girls"
The Beatles "I Want to Hold Your Hand" ("Eight Days a Week" would be on volume 2)
The Coup "Wear Clean Draws"
Golden Shoulders "Be Warned"
The Jackson Five "The Love You Save"
Jeremy Fisher "Scar That Never Heals" ("American Girls" would be on volume 2)
The Weakerthans "Our Retired Explorer (Dines with Michel Foucault in Paris, 1961)

This will continue to be edited as I think of more.

Plea

2007-11-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

Someone please write these applications for me. Or find some motivation for me to do it.

I've taken this week off to work on applications for jobs, fellowships, and more grad school. Yesterday, instead of writing a personal statement I tidied my house, did laundry, knitted and played Tetris. Today so far I've sent a ton of emails and am chatting with my weeist brother about topics I can't believe we discuss. If I expect to get anything done I am really going to have to step it up a notch. I hate, hate, hate this type of writing.

In Recovery

2007-11-18T21:59:00.001-08:00

My 'n' key is really on its way out and it is killing me.

Anyway, I am worn out from being all social this weekend and have been hiding in my room knitting and listening music for the past few hours. Friday was law school prom, I dolled up and drank a bottle of wine with a friend before going. Saturday was an ex-roommate's birthday and I again donned fancy clothes. I kind of can't believe I wore a dress two days in a row. By choice. I've learned that I apparently walk really hard because the shoes I wore to be social have only been worn about 4 times and the nails in the heels are already showing through. So I was really loud walking home. Awesome. And now I'm hiding from the world because that was pretty much my social quota for the year.

Walking wounded

2007-11-14T21:41:00.000-08:00

I smashed my thigh into the turnstile leaving Muni this morning. Throughout the day the bruise got darker and the lump grew and I continued to rub my hand over it, pressing slightly, even though it hurts to do that.

When I was in India my legs were horribly bruised. I don't know if I was extra clumsy there or if my diet was helping me to bruise more than usual. I'm always pretty clumsy, like I haven't quite figured out the edges of my body yet. Or I have really horrible depth perception. Either way, my legs are usually a mess of bruises, but India was worse than normal and the bruises were kind of amazing. Really dark purple fading slowly to green and yellow. They lasted forever. I think I took a picture of one or two of them but I can't find any. Instead here are some pictures of me in salwar kameez with bad India hair.

This is in Mamallapuram. There were lots of mosquitoes and they were quite undeterred by the netting.

This is in Tranquebar. You have no idea how much guts it took to turn my back on the cows.

This is the fort in Tranquebar.

And some fishing boats on the beach.

This is back in Mumbai at Welcome Hotel.

Andy and me in front of the Gateway of India.

Back to my wounds. I also somehow cut my gum a bit above one of my vampire teeth. Brushing there hurts and the bristles of my toothbrush seem to seek it out, making sure to gauge further into my gum. I'm afraid that one tooth isn't going to be very clean until it heals. Gross.

They're not yours/they are my own

2007-11-13T16:14:00.000-08:00

I used the Suave Cocoa Butter lotion in the kitchen at my office and now my hands smell like scratch-n-sniff chocolate.

I blame gchat and Al Gore

2007-11-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

Coworker: I CAN NOT get any work done today
Seriously, there is something wrong with me
I need Al Gore to shut off the internet
Me: Might be that wicked cough you have
Coworker: Could be
Me: You should totally email him
Coworker: It was so hard to get out of bed this morning
Me: Dear Al Gore,
Please turn off the internets for a while so that I can work.
Please and thank you.
Love, Coworker
Seriously.
I thought of calling in sick
But then Sue and I would miss our appointment. Again
Coworker: That is perfect. Dear Al Gore, I have no will power. You gave us the internet. Now take it away.
I know!
I thought of it too
But I figured i needed to power through
Me: Dear Al Gore, you are a bit like God.
And, like God, you must be conscientious of your power.
You have ensured a generation of slackers.
You gave us both Eden and the apple.
And yet you did not give us the tools to manage either.
Coworker: Now give us the ability to perform our jobs efficiently
Please!

Proposal

2007-11-05T12:41:00.000-08:00

My day, hell my life, just got infinitely better. Raj, the friend I made interning in Mumbai this summer just told me the most amazing thing. Our friend Sid went to see that cover band I wrote about earlier and found out that they'd changed the song from "Bitch on heels" to "Bitch in heels". After the show Sid talked to the lead singer, True Blue, and asked him if they changed it because of me. True said yes, he changed it because of me. He also said - and this is the awesome - that he would marry me. Dude, I have been really unhappy with this whole law school/finding a career thing and now I have an out. I wonder if True will want us to get matching tattoos?

Choose your own adventure

2007-11-05T10:45:00.000-08:00

The fingertip of my middle finger on my left hand became sensitive over the weekend. Last night while studying I noticed a bump on the side of my finger that was uncomfortable when I touched it. So I sat there and rubbed my thumb over it continuously, making sure I was in constant discomfort. When I asked my roommate what it could be he told me about having a wart on his finger as a kid that was frozen and then dug out by the doctor. GAH! He had me all freaked out that I had a wart on my finger when I've totally not been fondling any frogs. Then he looked at it and was all: "Oh, yeah, that isn't a wart. I don't know what that is." Thanks for that.

This morning I woke up and all of my finger tips on my left hand were sensitive and there were small bumps on my middle and ringer finger. It was starting to look a little like poison ivy, which I used to be really allergic to as a kid. Only I'm pretty certain I've not been fondling any poison ivy lately either. So, I just realized the sensitivity in my fingertips is abating and the bumps are going away too. I have no idea what it was but guess it was either stress or an allergic reaction. Although an allergic reaction doesn't really make too much sense because I'm right handed so pretty much anything I touch would be all over my right hand, not my left. Does this sound like something stress would cause? Any other suggestions about what it could be?

Well loved

2007-11-04T10:38:00.001-08:00

I went to see The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D last night with two friends. I wouldn't really recommend it, there are very few scenes in which things actually fly towards you. Most of the time I just felt a little nauseated from the 3D effect.

On the way to our seats, I pulled on my jeans. Not to pull them up or down, I just pinched a little of the fabric on my thigh and pulled it directly out a little so I could rub it between my fingers, I guess it's a nervous habit of mine. Anyway, my jeans are so old and so worn that the denim is tissue thin. Just pulling a little on the fabric and rubbing it between my fingers was enough to rip a hole in my jeans. Another hole. The knees are already completely shot and the only thing keeping these from making themselves into shorts (God forbid) is the relatively thicker seams (which themselves are starting to develop holes). I guess this means I should retire them soon, but I really love these jeans. They are so soft and so worn in they feel like pyjamas.

Ethical

2007-11-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

I'm taking the ethics exam tomorrow morning. I've been really busy this week and haven't studied very much at all. Tonight I had Milkduds and cheese for dinner while I feverishly tried to finish reviewing and taking some practice exams. Although it is pretty early my eyes are blurry and I'm super tired. I guess it is better to be well rested than to stay up late cramming.

Yesterday and today I attended a really great conference called "Reclaiming & Reframing the Dialogue on Race & Racism." I'll post more later.

I wish I was in the desert.

Rust and erode into lists

2007-10-31T23:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't got the energy for a proper post and my "n" key is acting up and driving me crazy, so here is the abbreviated version:

- I passed a hospital today that was flying a flag upside down. It was probably an accident.

- I am suddenly really overwhelmed with a lot of school and job things that need to be done all at the same time. If you want to study with me or know of a good late night place to study let me know.

- I am going to Ireland for my winter break. I've never been, send me things you loved in Ireland, things I can't miss. I'll mostly be in Dublin, but we're going to travel a bit too.

- A district attorney came to speak in one of my classes recently. She was talking about domestic violence and went on and on about how violent a society we live in and how she wants to end the cycle of violence. I asked her - prefacing it by saying "this is going to sound harsher than I mean it to" - if she thought putting people in prison was anti-violence. She responded by asking me if I wanted to live next to a drug dealer. One that shot me. She then went on about how we were all liberals because we'd never earned a paycheck and seen what was taken out of it for taxes. I wasn't sure of the leap, but she seemed pretty certain that me thinking prisons were violent and a perpetuation of the very societal violence she was bemoaning a second before meant that I had never worked to support myself and didn't understand that questioning prisons required living next to drug dealers who shot me. Or something. After repeating a few times "Do you want to live next to a drug dealer? One with a gun? I doubt it," she was quiet long enough for me to start to say something, but then she cut me off and went back to the taxes thing. I'm not sure what the lesson was, but I think it has something to do with saying no to drugs. And yes to prisons.

That makes me tired, I'm going to sleep.

Oh brother

2007-10-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

I went to visit my brother, PM, and his wife, AM, this weekend. We have seen each other a few times over the past few years but only if he was in my city for a conference or if I was passing through his city on my way somewhere else. This was the first time we spent the weekend together just to hang out in a really long time. I had a great time. Getting my brother out to do anything isn't very easy - apparently homebodyness runs in the family. AM had free passes to an art opening on Saturday night that we went to, but we didn't actually see the art because the line to get to the exhibit was really long. After having a drink and shouting over the loud 80s mash-ups we raided the grocery store buying cupcakes, eclairs, candy and wine. At their house we watched Blue Velvet on their enormous TV. I'd never seen it and my brother didn't realize quite how pornographic it can be until he watched it with his little sister. My brother is probably funnier than your brother.

Unrelated - You, Berkeley, get your goddamn bike off of the sidewalk!

Connections

2007-10-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

I love the smell of bergamot. When I was in India I worked in a predominantly Muslim area with a lot of stores that sold perfumes and oils - I'm not really sure of the connection but apparently most of the perfumeries are run by Muslims. Anyway, I went to a few looking for bergamot oil but really couldn't get the point across and my Hindi/English dictionary was no help and I kind of gave up on finding bergamot scents.

Recently, however, our entry way mysteriously began smelling of something unplaceable yet very horrible, so my quest of smelling good things started again. And I found a bergamot and coriander air spray (non-aerosol) from Trader Joe's. It smells lovely. The stink in the hall is now gone and my roommate co-opted my the freshener for the bathroom. I love the smell of it so much that I consider wearing it as a perfume. I don't because it is probably bad for my skin and I guess it is kind of weird. Just now I went to make a cup of tea, it's the first time in a while I'm drinking caffeinated tea, and I'd forgotten that the tea is a double bergamot earl grey. I opened the packet and smelled the tea and it smells amazing. And like my bathroom, which is kind of unsettling.

My lumps

2007-10-24T19:31:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor for my post-surgery check up today. Not cancer. She pulled the bandage strips off so I won't be needing anyone to shower with me, thanks for offering though.

When I was percocetted up and recovering I got a call from A.C.T. probably to ask me to donate money. I mumbled something about just having surgery and listened to the guy on the other end stammer and gush apologies. Then I hung up and laughed at what a great excuse I had for telemarketers. Tonight on my walk home I got another call from A.C.T. This telemarketer was a very old man, his voice had more shakiness than grandpa Simpson; he sounded really sweet and cute. Before jumping into his sales pitch he first asked me how I was feeling and if I was recovering well. And I'd like to think he was sincerely concerned. When I told him I was a student and couldn't really afford to become a member we talked a little while longer about my health. I kind of wish I'd asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime, I could use a stand in grandfather as I don't think my plan of having Jimmy Carter become my step-grandpa is going anywhere.

Fury, first thing in the morning

2007-10-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

I haven't even finished my coffee and I'm all full of adrenaline and anger.

This article is about the privatization of the UC system. I was - probably naively - stunned by this quote:

Tuition would climb, jumping more than 80 percent by 2010-11 to $15,306 a year for undergraduates. Under this scenario,UC could lose affluent students to smaller private colleges, reducing the academic quality of the student body. Low-income students would flock to less expensive schools, reducing diversity.

Apparently, wealthy kids bring smarts and low income kids bring diversity. Do you think the author or the editor ever once realized what they were saying?

Weather

2007-10-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

I am in love with the temperature of these past few evenings. Unfortunately my infatuation is so deep that I can't concentrate on anything else. This weather begs me to sit with it and drink beer, to enjoy the very last bits of summer. And I am so enamored that I deny all of my other responsibilities just so we can spend a few more minutes together.

Thoughtful

2007-10-21T18:35:00.000-07:00

I was walking to ASL a few weeks ago and passed a clinic. There was a man in his late 20s sitting outside on a ledge. He had his cell phone open in his hands and he was looking through it. It looked like he knew he had a phone call to make that he really didn't want to make. I've thought of him often since then. I know it wouldn't have been appropriate to stop or say anything but I really wanted to touch him and comfort him somehow. Who knows, maybe I read the whole situation wrong.

Caring is creepy

2007-10-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

I wrote but did not post this the evening I got home from surgery.

The not a big deal surgery I had earlier today was to remove lumps from my left breast. The surgery went fine, I'm home and all drugged up.

I had this done on the other side last year. That surgery also went fine and I was in even less pain then. Everything was going really well and easy, I even ate nachos as my first post-surgery meal. So, after two days when I was finally allowed to shower, I thought it'd be no problem to let the warm water loosen the adhesive and take the tape off of the incision. As I was pulling the tape off, the stitches and raw skin being pulled made me light headed. I had time to call for Andy before I started slipping to the floor of the shower. He managed to help me slowly slide down rather than fall and crack my head open and then he took the bandage off. So, I was telling this story to a kind of new friend of mine over dinner the other night and he got really concerned wanting to know how I was going to deal with taking the bandage off this time, who was going to be in the shower and help me. After telling me how dangerous it could be to pass out in the shower, he offered to be there while I took the bandage off. Basically he offered to watch me take a shower and to pull a bandage off my breast. At the time I didn't really think anything other than he was concerned and being really sweet. But, I talked to a mutual friend and apparently he's a big perv. Still, I do think this came more from concern and sweetness than wanting to see me naked. Or at least I'd like to think that.

Car Memories

2007-10-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

Today at work I remembered a sun drenched parking lot in Mexico. I think it was spring break or some other reason I had time off from school while I was in junior college. The memory isn't about anything, nothing happens, and I don't remember interacting with anyone. I think I was just getting something out of the car. What I do remember is just this really intense feeling of standing in the sun on a warm, bright day and being perfectly happy and relaxed. I have no idea why I felt so content there or why it is such a strong memory, I wasn't on an extended holiday or even that far into Mexico, but I can remember the small shops that circled half of the parking lot and the scrubby grass on the other side, the sharp smell of the bushes and the blueness of the sky. I remember it a lot, always randomly. Maybe when I need to remember something good.

That made me think about another memory with the same person's car. We drove into Big Bear one night. It was the first time I'd been there and it was snowing. The town is overly charming and can be sickeningly quaint during the day but that night everything was blanketed in white, there was no one out and the headlights cut the dark and illuminated the falling snow; it was perfect. I was in the passenger seat, wrapped in a blanket with my head against the cold window crying. Not because of anything that had happened but because of how the scenery was making me feel.

I am having surgery on Friday and I'm scared. It isn't a big deal at all, but I keep getting all weepy eyed about it.

Because I am wise

2007-10-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

I was waiting for the bus to go to school earlier this week when a slightly baby-fatted, mid to late teens boy approached me. This isn't an exact transcript, but it is pretty close. My inner monologue is bracketed.

Him: Excuse me. May I ask you a question?
Me: [Oh god, please do not try to sell me anything. I do not want to support your hockey/football/soccer team.] Um, ok.
Him: I don't mean to stereotype or anything but you look like you like Rock music.
Me: ???? [Am I supposed to answer that?]
.... Long silent pause .....
Him: Do you like Rock music?
Me: Uh, some of it. I guess. Sure. Sure I like Rock music. [Man, you can really hear how he capitalizes the R in Rock music. Please do not try to sell me your Rock music CD. I'm sure you are really passionate about your Rock music, but I am not interested. God, I'm a dick. I don't support the youth at all.]
Him: Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie are playing a concert together and the tickets are $60.00. I would like to go but I am wondering if that is a reasonable price to pay for a Rock concert. Do most Rock concerts cost that much?
Me: Wha...? Um. Well. Ok. Yeah, hmmm, that is a lot of money. I don't really pay that much for shows. Do you like Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie?
Him: I listen to hip hop mainly but I wanted to try to go see some Rock music.
Me: Oh. Well, I would recommend maybe going to some smaller shows first then to see if you like it. I mean, Ozzy Osbourne used to put on quite a show I'd think. But now, well, now he is old. And I don't really know if he puts on a $60 show, you know? So I think maybe you should find some cheaper, smaller Rock concerts to check out first and see what you think.
Him: Ok, that is really good advice. I will try to find some other Rock shows. Thank you.
Me: Uh, ok, sure. Good luck. I hope you enjoy the Rock music.

Jazz Hands

2007-09-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to see Sweeney Todd at A.C.T. It was my first musical theater experience and, while there actually weren't any jazz hands to be had, there was lots of murder, witty dialogue and, perhaps most importantly, cello. Um, I don't know if this is a spoiler so you might not want to read the next line if you want to go not knowing anything about the performance and you haven't read any of the articles written about it. Anyway, I really liked the set and the idea of having each actor also play an instrument. Sometimes, however, the voices got drowned out by the instruments. Granted, we were very far back, but I found it hard to hear the voices particularly at the beginning. Other than not being able to hear parts it was great.

I've recently joined a gym and am trying to fit working out somewhere in my schedule. So far it has only been possible late late LATE at night or indecently early in the morning. But, I not only joined the gym, I signed up to get a few meetings with a personal trainer. As we were filling out stupid "All About Me" stuff during our first meeting the trainer asked me what my goals were. She startled and looked up when I said my goal was to be able to win bar fights. After the paperwork she took me into the gym part and showed me some machines and how to use them. I did a set on some pushing-out-with-your-arms-to-work-your-chest-and-parts-of-your-arm machine and it was work and I was starting to feel it in my arms. Then the trainer chirped - because of course she is peppy - "Ok! Now let's put some weights on it!" And I didn't want the weights because I was already straining. Seriously, 5 lbs and I had to be spotted the last few. One of the reasons I don't go to the gym is because I am so incredibly wimpy and I don't want people to see it. Its terribly shy making to strain under 5 lbs and see the person next to you not break a sweat with like 200 lbs.

Train Travel

2007-09-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

I realize I wasn't that great about posting while in India and I've done an even worse job of catching up since I've been back. Sorry. But, it was kind of an intense summer and I've been a bit busy since returning. Andy and I were kind of rocky before I left and it didn't really settle much while I was there. When he got to India we realized that we were much better off as friends, rather than trying to remain in a relationship. And, while this has been the kindest break-up I've ever been through (and really, much of it happened months ago), it is still a break-up and it still makes some things hard. Like wandering around beautiful beach towns together where all there is to do is eat, walk on secluded beach, and laze around in the sleepy afternoons ... playing cards. Yeah, not exactly how I'd imagined it either. Nonetheless, India was amazing and being there with Andy was great as he is heaps of fun and we tend to travel well together. It just would've been greater still if we weren't also adjusting to no longer dating.

That out of the way, on to the India posts.

Raj and I were quite lucky, our train trips always started from Churchgate which is the beginning of a line. This meant we always got a seat and didn't have to fight our way onto the train. The way back, however, was a different story and I think it wasn't until the 3rd or 4th train in Bandra that we were finally able to find and get into the "Women's Only Coach All of the 24 hours." Man, I wish I'd taken a picture of that painted on the side of the train car. Oh well. Here are some train related photos.

Oh, ps, I got the apartment I wanted. It is beautiful and perfect and I have the most amazing views. Ok, for reals, here are train photos.

India Update

2007-09-19T14:00:00.001-07:00

Apparently True Blue decided not to put "BITCH....on heels" on the album. Sid thinks it was because of me.

Social Grace

2007-09-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

Last week I was on a really crowded Muni car coming home from work. There were three people leaning against the door and I was in the next row of people squished in, standing perpendicular to the people leaning on the door. After a while one of the guys leaning against the door said: "I like your hat." And motioned to my wrist.

I stared blankly. He smiled politely and repeated: "I said, I like your hat." My throat dry because I'm shy, I harshly whisper: "It'snotahat.It'sfromTheLittlePrince.ButIthinkyouknowthat." And held up my other wrist.

As he was saying, "No, I know that I was joking." The he tried again (although, really, by this time I would've totally given up) and repeated a line from the book in French.

At this point I am basically in a panic and kind of sob/shout: "I don't speak French. I don't know what you're saying. Hahahaha."

The black splotches in the book are ink from when I was getting tattooed. I'll always know my copy.

And I am blushing like mad. Not some pretty Jane Austen type dewy flush, but a splotchy furious red flush. I stared down at the floor for the rest of the ride, aware that I was giving off heat because I was so flustered and blushy. Then, of course, we got off at the same stop and walked for three blocks in the same direction. Thankfully, by this point, the nice, French speaking young man who likes The Little Prince was also studiously avoiding making eye contact with me and trying to keep his distance.

Soon after I'd told a co-worker about this, and about how horribly I blush in too many situations, she brought over one of the managing attorneys for me to meet. Only I'd just taken a huge bite of my sandwich and could do nothing but blush miserably as he tried to make one sided small talk. After he finally gave up on me as slow and left, my co-worker apologized. Laughing she said she hadn't believed me about the blushing thing before but was really sorry that I was put through it. Another co-worker made some joke about me blushing when I found someone attractive and I loudly assured them that I blush no matter what, and I definitely did not find the managing attorney attractive. He was, of course, standing about two feet away. I think I'm going to wear a giant hoodie to hide in from now on.

Nobody walks in LA

2007-09-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

This past weekend ill.cut.you and I went to LA to visit my brother and go to my friend's wedding. We flew different airlines because I already had my ticket and ill.cut.you flies for free. While waiting for my flight to LAX I ran into someone I worked with before I went back to school. We were on the same flight. It was nice to get a beer and hang out, but it meant I didn't get my reading done. Ill.cut.you and I stayed with my brother on Friday night and then drove to the wedding the next morning. Her reception was on a boat that cruised around the harbor. Which was super fun but a couple of times the boat turned while I was dancing and I got all dizzy and wobbly-kneed. I stopped ill.cut.you from dancing with the banister, I think it would've ended badly.

On Sunday we drove back to LA to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law. And I hit a car. We were in this crazy parking lot area and I dropped everyone off to get coffee and then tried to move to the side and side-swiped a black SUV. I left the car sticking out into the lane of traffic and ran to this outdoor restaurant area by where the car was parked and screamed "I hit someone's car!" Everyone glanced up, stared blankly and then went back to eating. Later I interpreted my feelings about hitting the car through dance; my brother took a series of photographs commemorating it. I'll post them as soon as he sends them.

Apparently I'm a better person than my brother because he couldn't believe that I left a note with my real name and number on the SUV. Whatever, I bought all the insurance possible, I'm not going to pay for it, Enterprise will. I still get kind of shakey when I think about it. I can't believe I hit a (parked!) car.

Beatles Birthday

2007-09-03T18:09:00.001-07:00

They say it's my birthday

2007-08-29T08:05:00.001-07:00

Later I will post the video of Pants and me dancing to The Beatles. For now, you have anticipation.

Resignation

2007-08-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Given that the “unfair treatment that he’s been on the receiving end of has been a distraction for the department,” Alberto Gonzales resigned on Friday. What a pansy excuse for quitting after you've perjured yourself.

Bus

2007-08-21T13:13:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty sure I heard wrong, but I think I overheard a girl say "I spent my summer drinking and at church."

Housing

2007-08-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

Being back in San Francisco is both weird and completely mundane. I don't feel jet lagged, but will suddenly not be able to keep my eyes open. In a lot of ways I feel like I never left; everything is familiar, except for the amazing amount of construction on the Valencia Street City College building it doesn't seem like anything has changed. At the same time, I guess a lot has. While in India, Pants and I decided I should move out and I responded to some Craigslist ads from India. For a while I thought I was suddenly a lot less charming than I used to be because I got very little response. Finally people have started setting interviews, and I went to look at a room last night.

The place was beautiful and amazing, the rent was really affordable for the city and kind of an amazing deal given the location, size and condition of the apartment, and the two people that live there were funny and nice. I have no idea if I'll get the place but would totally move in if they offered. I, of course, am a complete dork and said things that they either found funny and charming or completely inappropriate and weird. I guess if they found me inappropriate and weird we wouldn't be a good fit anyway, but I keep having moments when I'll think of some part of the conversation and think "Oh my god, I cannot believe I said that! Why would I say that? I don't even know them." Lets hope they found it charming.

I'll get around to blogging about India and posting more pictures. Promise.

Home

2007-08-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

Pondicherry

2007-08-01T22:06:00.000-07:00

We're in Pondicherry, which was a French colony. Everyone in Mumbai insisted I go here telling me how beautiful it was. Only, when I asked, I learned that no one had actually been here. It's ok. The guidebook promised espresso and crusty bread. We've found Nescafe instant (sadely, not good as the Nescafe instant in Germany) and some TV dinners served as French cuisine.

I preferred the beach and atmosphere of Mammalapuram although our room here is clean and mosquito free, unlike the cave we slept in at Mammalapuram. My bed might have bedbugs though because something attacked me so that in the middle of the night I ended up slathering on bug spray, shoving my bed away, and climbing into Pants's twin size bed to steal his sheet the rest of the night. Still, it is better than the bricks covered with a dirty sheet that we slept on in Mammalapuram.

Our goal for the day is to find a good cup of coffee.

Everyone Else

2007-07-27T23:29:00.000-07:00

This is me as a Simpson character as imagined by Wild Dani.

Pants got here night before last. And brought the monsoon back with him. Which is all fine and good for the crops and staving off a drought, but jeez, it makes it hard to do much wandering.

When Pants and I were in France I relied on his rudementary French skills for everything. Even if I understood what was being said I would look to him to translate; even when I knew how to say whatever phrase it was, I would look to him to say it while whispering the answer under my breath. Speaking in Paris scared me. And Pants, apparently, is afraid of speaking in Mumbai. The only thing is, here everyone is speaking to us in English. Still, at the restaurants, cafes, and shops, all conversation goes through me. It is really funny; Pants will tell me, in English, what he wants and I'll tell the waiter, also in English. Who will respond to me, still in English. I don't know who we're going to rely on in the south.

Explanations are in order

2007-07-23T01:43:00.001-07:00

Pants, Wild Dani, and Leggy, you all had better not be behind this:

The idea behind the show is for the children to attempt to forge their own society, "fix the mistakes of their forebears" and turn the "completely dead ... former mining town" of Bonanza City, New Mexico, into a functioning community.

Spoilt

2007-07-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

Andy found a buyer for my US Harry Potter which freed me up to buy one here. And, although people had stood in line to get their copies, the stores are stuffed with copies. There is no HP shortage here. In fact, the book sellers in Kala Ghoda had a 4 foot tall stack on the sidewalk.

So, I bought the book on Saturday afternoon once I got off work and finished it Saturday night. I texted Raj that I'd gotten all weepy eyed four times by page 77. After I finished it I called Pants, who hasn't read any of them, to tell him what happened. I know I can't give anything away, but I had to talk about it with someone. He was very good natured about not having any clue as to what I was talking about. He thinks Harry is my ghost town. I don't think I'd go that far. Although I did start re-reading it on Sunday and I'm going more slowly this time to really enjoy it.

Oh, and if you're thinking of birthday presents, The Weakerthans are releasing a new album on September 25 and will be going on tour. I'm just saying

Spoiler

2007-07-20T03:02:00.000-07:00

I pre-ordered the final Harry Potter book before leaving for India. It is being delivered to Pants's work and he is bringing it out here with him. Only I don't know if I can really wait that long. He had made me promise I wouldn't read it until the flight home so that I didn't spend our time traveling together holed up in our hotel reading - and rereading - the book. He knows, of course, that there is no way I'm waiting until the flight home. I won't give up wandering around with him for Harry but at some point he does have to sleep, right? And, for me, Harry is way more important than sleep.

I'm already very afraid of the internet. I freak out every time I see "Harry Potter" anywhere, afraid there will be a spoiler. Once the US receives their copies I might have to give up the internets completely until I get a chance to read it.

I'm having a really hard time reminding myself that I cannot afford two copies. Still, I might cave. If I buy a copy here is there anyone who didn't alreay pre-order who wants to buy mine?

Stop it

2007-07-19T04:22:00.000-07:00

Probably everyone who reads this has heard my tirade before so I apologize for the repetition. That said, people you need to stop it.

Do not use the word retard(ed) as an insult. Example: That driver that cut me off is such a retard.

Do not use the word retard(ed) to describe yourself when you make a mistake or do something stupid. Example: Crap, I forgot my keys, I'm so retarded.

Unless the person you are referring to is actually retarded and you are being descriptive, not an asshole, do not use the word. Example: My son is retarded.

I hate when I read blogs by people I find interesting or funny and then they have to go and muck it all up by writing something completely offensive and/or fucked up. Yesterday it was a gossip blog that I had enjoyed because the guy who writes it actually has some interesting things to say and calls other sites and his readers out when they write racist shit. But then he had to go and equate being a violent, raging anti-semite with being pro-Palestinian. And I used to read this smart, funny blog that often linked to other really great information. Until she - and her readers - went all transphobic. I found a new blog yesterday and I've been reading the archives today until all of the sudden the comments became one big explosion of who was a retard for a link not working/not being able to figure out paypal, etc. Grr.

Missing

2007-07-18T03:55:00.000-07:00

Pants gets here in a week. I am really excited. I miss him. And I really miss Birdy. Although I'm looking forward to traveling, I'm also getting very ready to be home squeezing Birdy until she bites me.

I'm not sad homesick like I was more at the beginning of my trip, but I am excited to be back in San Francisco in a month.

What I did on my Sunday vacation

2007-07-18T02:21:00.000-07:00

On Sunday both Raj and I woke up feeling not so great. We decided to splurge and went to breakfast at a fancy hotel. It was nice but I wasn't feeling well enough to really enjoy it. And there was no way I could choke down the eggs I ordered. Especially with the floating hams (that I didn't order) in them. Blech.

After breakfast we tried to go to Crawford Market. It is very near to where we've worked this summer but we're always too worn out after work to go as it is pretty intense. Apparently, though, the market is closed on Sundays. Which makes absolutely no sense to me. When do people do their shopping?! So we went back to the hotel to get medicine and regroup.

From there we took the train to the Mahalaxmi Station and started walking to the Nehru Center and Planetarium. It looked really close on the map. But, of course, the map is wrong and definitely not to scale so we eventually gave in to the heat and took a cab. When we got to the planetarium a show was about to start in 15 minutes and there was another in an hour in a half. From where we stood the Nehru center didn't really look open so we decided to go to the planetarium first and then check out the center after so we wouldn't miss the show and get stuck waiting for an hour and a half without anything to do. Only the show that started in 15 minutes was in Marathi and the English show was the one in an hour and a half. I figured it'd be nice just to look at the show, even if we didn't understand it so we went into the Marathi show. And some of it was just pretty, but a lot of it probably would've been way more interesting if I'd a clue what was happening.

After the show we went up to the center which was open. There was some great art on display and, like most art exhibits in India, it was also for sale. For pretty reasonable prices too. Of course, the ones I really liked had already been bought or were out of my price range. Upstairs in the center was an exhibit about Nehru's life and the struggle for independence in India. There was also information on the history of India. It was a really neat exhibit but I wasn't quite sure how all the parts fit together and I think we went the wrong way.

After that we headed out for lunch and found a "Dollar Store" (that is what it was called) where everything was 99 rupees. Only 99 rupees is actually about $2.50. Whatever, close enough.

From there we went to the Hard Rock Cafe. Yep. That's right. Raj and I went to rock out tourist style. Only here the wealthy locals totally hang out there too, not just tourists. The Hard Rock Cafe is new to Mumbai and none of the taxi drivers knew where it was. It is kind of hidden and has a back entrance down an alley but still, sheesh taxi drivers, learn your way around. At the Hard Rock Cafe I ordered drinks that said they came in souvenir martini glasses. It's not that I wanted the souvenir glasses, I didn't have a choice, they just came in them. Anyway, my first drink wasn't in a special glass but that was ok. I don't have any martini glasses at all at home so I'd be happy taking plain ones. But then the server took it away and brought me yet another plain glass. When I asked about the souvenir glasses he said they didn't have any and that was the standard Hard Rock Cafe menu that they used all over the world. Um, what, guy? I'm pretty sure you don't charge rupees in the US. Pfft. No souvenir glasses and no plain glasses either. I'm going back tomorrow to see True Blue and his band play so I'm going to try to get some glasses again. I'll totally settle for plain martini glasses.

What I did on my Saturday vacation

2007-07-16T00:34:00.000-07:00

On Saturday after work Raj and I went for our massages. We had absolutely no idea what we were in for. It was not a calm, soothing, muscle relaxing massage. Instead it was intense and at times painful. I’m sure it’s called “invigorating,” but I just found it kind of scary. I was tensed up a lot of the time afraid it was going to hurt. Instead of some plush massage table with fluffy white towels to put my head on there was a slick wooden table. I don’t know what type of wood it was but it is supposed to be healing. Because I’ve never had a massage I was nervous and unsure of where to go or what to do. After I got all naked I was sat on the table and she poured some warm oil into my hair and started massaging it in pretty roughly. Basically she massaged me everywhere with a red oil that is a mix of sesame seed oil, coconut oil, neem and maybe some other things. And it was invigorating, not soothing. I liked getting my ears massaged the most. When I was told to flip over I had a pretty hard time because I was so slimy and so was the table. She ran her hands from the top of my neck to the bottom of my feet and I would slide all over the table. After it was done she washed my hair out for me and I took a shower. Only I didn’t do such a great job getting all of the oil off because I stained my unders pink.

Later that night we went to Not Just Jazz by the Bay to watch a band that does covers of classic rock bands and some of their own stuff. We were lucky to get a table pretty soon after we got there and I had an unobstructed view of the stage. That is, I had an unobstructed view until this huge Biff guy sat in front of me in a really horrible t-shirt. It had a cartoon hand with overly made-up women’s faces drawn on each finger and it said: British Army Slang WWII [the hand drawing] having a date with Mrs. Hand and her five daughters bad attempt to cover by those who spill their seed. Instead of being able to see the stage I basically got to stare at that all night.

At one point someone passed a note up to the stage telling the lead singer that his hair made him look like Bon Jovi and he danced like him too. I think the singer was a little offended and they decided to play one of their new original songs. And he announced it as “BITCH … (long pause to let the naughtiness sink in) … on heels.” I looked at Raj and was all “Um, shouldn’t it be ‘Bitch IN heels’?” After the show the lead singer, True Blue, came up to me to compliment me on my tattoos. Here is the unofficial transcript of our conversation:

True Blue: I want my arm to look like yours one day. I’ve just started.
Me: Tough lion tattoo. You should go for color.
True Blue: Yeah, I want more color.
Me: Hey, I enjoyed your show.
True Blue: Thanks
Me: By the way, it should be “Bitch IN heels,” not “Bitch ON heels”
True Blue: ?! What? Oh, SHIT. You’re right.
Me: It’s okay, I mean they’re almost the same word really.
True Blue: SHIT! Bitch IN heels. Of course. But we already recorded it.
Me: You should lie in your liner notes.
True Blue: Bitch IN hells, not ON heels.
Me: It’s fine. No one comes to a rock show for grammar lessons anyway.

Then the cops threw everyone out of the bar and Sid, Raj and I went to Colaba for some food. There is a street stall that apparently everyone loves. The road was packed with drunk people. And scarily guys would come out carrying a chest of burning coals through the drunken crowd and dump it on the side of the street. And cars would inch their way down the street nudging people out of the way. We waited and waited and then found out our food had been given away. We were able to get our food just as the cops came and made everyone go away. It was really spicy and really really good. Then I went home and watched Animal Planet.

Growth

2007-07-14T01:46:00.000-07:00

I've never been to Chicago but I'm kind of in love with it. I mean, really, I know nothing about the city at all but still, I really really want to live there. I'm applying for a post-grad fellowship in Chicago and will look at other job opportunities there. And, because it is a Saturday and I don't want to be at work, right now I'm looking at apartments on Craigslist to see what they go for and what they look like. Anyway, I found an ad with this picture of its kitchen.

And it just seems so grown up. So not me. I tried to picture myself coming home from lawyering, wearing a suit and heels and getting a drink out of the refrigerator. Only I can't. Whenever I try to picture myself in a suit I see myself as too short. The suit never fits. I feel too short for such a grown up kitchen. And I realize that I'm not going to get any taller, that this is my adult height, but still, I don't feel big enough to be grown up. And I don't feel like grown up clothes look right on me. Like I'm going to get called out for playing dress up or something.

I mean, I like making my apartment nice. My place is clean and decorated with actual thought put in, not just posters thumb tacked to the wall. It isn't that I don't feel old enough for any sort of apartment, maybe that is just too fancy. And I think the kitchen looks like a sitcom.

To clarify: I doubt the jobs I want will require that I wear a suit, I just was imagining what it would be like if I did.

Danny Boy

2007-07-14T00:55:00.000-07:00

The cafe Raj and I have been going to in the mornings likes to play really loud, really bad dance and pop music. There is a Speak-n-Spell esque computer voice that announces the band and song names between each song. Only the computer doesn't have very good pronunciation or a grasp of pop culture. This morning we were serenaded by Garry Halliwell. You remember Garry, the Spice Girl. Then there was Keh-Line Dion. That was followed up by two songs in a row(!) by Shane-ya Twain.

The musical selection had started though with a dance song reminding Danny Boy to remember to shake his ass and have fun. You know, the usual soothing wake up call.

Leggy started it.

Catch Up

2007-07-13T02:15:00.000-07:00

Yay. Blogger is accepting titles again.

Tonight I go see Harry Potter. That's right, bitches! (Sorry K & J!) I'm 12.5 hours ahead so while you are all sleeping I'm going to be watching Harry's first smooch.

Tomorrow I am getting my very first massage. It is this one:

Sarvakaya Abhyangam
Sit back and soak in this general body massage which rejuvenates the body, improves vitality and reduces stress. The herbal bath which ensues washes away all the stress and strain of everyday life. (Duration - 45 mins.)

Apparently it's two people massaging in unison. I'm kind of nervous.

Last Sunday Raj and I met up with Vijay who showed us around Bandra. While we were auto-rickshawing some place I saw these two huge, white bulldogs. The next day Raj found a picture of them wearing raincoats in the newspaper. Apparently I saw the dogs of a Bollywood star being walked.

Bandra was nice. We walked along the bandstand.

Before the Bandra Bandstand we'd gone to Mount Mary's Church. There were people worshipping so we didn't go inside. Nor did we buy wax body parts in order to ask for healing.

Before Bandra, Raj and I had gone to the Hanging Gardens. Only nothing there is hanging so I don't understand the name. While we were there it would pour for about 2 minutes and then stop for 3. Over and over. And I, of course, had forgotten my umbrella.

Close ups!

Chipmunk!

Creepy pod thing!

Ps. Here, everything comes with a side of ketchup. Even bread with butter came with ketchup.

2007-07-10T00:59:00.000-07:00

Picture Post:

View of roofs from balcony at work.

Goats. They live just outside of the gate at work.

This was taken from my hotel room during a huge downpour.

And then Blogger stopped wanting to work so that is all you get for now.

2007-07-10T00:45:00.000-07:00

Blogger hates the titles. Anyway: Loose Ends

* I forgot to mention that the fancy pants restaurant/bar that Raj and I went to and had $10 apple martinis at (which were the cheapest mixed drinks) played Snoop. Yes, they did. And yuppies in khaki bobbed their heads along.

* After a month and a half I was in my first car crash. Only it wasn't very much of a crash. A scooter hit the rear bumper of a cab I was in last week. It was no big deal but I'm surprised, given the insanity of the drivers, that it took so long.

* I am applying for post-graduation positions right now and it is crazy stressful. What I think happens is that I apply to organizations for consideration for sponsorship. If they agree, they sponsor me to apply for a fellowship. Which means I don't actually have a position until I find the money. Or something. Its complicated and no one told me that it would happen this way or this early.

* Yesterday the electricity went out out work. After it didn't come back on for an hour I left early. Yay for the half day!

* I have been to the same pub every night for the past 5 days.

* I have 2 more weeks of work and only 16 days until Pants gets here.

2007-07-06T23:31:00.000-07:00

Blogger isn't letting me title the post.

Last night started with a $10 fancy pants apple martini. Which was kind of amazingly good. The Rs and I had wanted to find a calm bar to hang out in and talk. Instead we found a super posh place with expensive drinks and Jersey looking Indian women with gold heels and weird attachments on their pants to make them come up to their arm pits. Seriously, this woman had like 6 extra inches of fabric that looked sewn on to the top of her jeans. And a thin gold belt around her waist. I know high waisted pants are supposedly coming back in and all, but it really isn't a good look. This woman was thin but she totally looked like she had a pot belly. And like she should've been an extra on The Sopranos. Anyway, Raj and I got there first and settled in to these huge low British-era-esque chairs with an enormous table between us. We were so far apart we thought we would have to text each other. Not what we were looking for.

After our drink, Raj and I ended back at Mondy's. We always end up at Mondy's. By the time Rakhi got there we were slurry. So we had another round and went to meet up with the others at the Sports Bar. Yep. I ended up going to a sports bar to hang out. The options are kind of limited; most places serve only beer, wine, and Bacardi Breezers. The places that serve alcohol are usually posh restaurants, posh hotel bars, and, apparently, the not so posh Sports Bar.

Last weekend I went dancing with the people from last night and a few others. And there was dancing on the bar for shots. We're going dancing tonight. I hope the DJ can mix better. And that I get the opportunity to climb onto the bar.

Smarter

2007-07-05T03:41:00.000-07:00

French raccoons are smarter than Indian rats. Although the rats have learned how to open my desk drawer to find cookies and close it tidily after themselves, they have not learned how to access the internets. French raccoons, apparently, can comment on blogs.

raton laveur left me a comment: Who is Madeline?

I don't understand why it wasn't in French. I don't understand what I've done to draw the attention of the raccoons. Actually, I don't understand much of anything about it. In fact, if I was going to gain the attention of a nocturnal mammal I totally would've put my money on the opossums.

From a case

2007-07-05T02:12:00.000-07:00

A toddy tapper, young in age and a mental case, returning after a day-long toil with his tool, the sickle, and tense in state, was provoked by some trivias and went into tantrums and inflicted triple killings, all in one sombre sunset.

Sick

2007-07-03T00:10:00.000-07:00

I am sick. Yesterday I stayed home from work but today I figured I was well enough to come in. I probably over estimated. It sucks, I shared all of my meals with other people and I'm the only one who ended up sick.

About an hour ago R and I went out to get bananas. On the way back, when we were halfway through the courtyard, we saw an enormous rat. Seriously, R at first thought it was an opposum or something. It was blocking our way to the stairs and so not afraid of us. It got its head stuck in a chip bag. Eventually it freed itself and moved aside so we could get back to our office.

I want soup but there are no restaurants around here I trust so I'm sticking with bananas.

Edited:

I had been keeping some cookies in a plastic baggie in my desk. I went to get a cookie for one of the Rs only to realize that the baggie had been chewed through and the cookies eaten. The only thing left was about a quarter of the baggie and some of the cookie wrapper. I have no idea how a rat got into my desk drawer. Ew. I guess I'm not leaving food here anymore.

When the rains come

2007-06-29T22:31:00.000-07:00

Monsoon is for reals here. It has rained every day for a the past few days. All night it storms and each morning it pours, but somehow always lightens up long enough for me to get to work getting only damp, not soaked. Also, its not been too heavy when I leave work. I've been lucky to catch the breaks.

This morning I woke up to a huge tree completely blocking one side of the road and mostly blocking the other. I guess when there is road work they just cut the roots of the trees and then, when the rains come, these huge old trees topple easily.

R and I got to work about 15 minutes early, like we usually do, and no one was here and the doors were locked. Apparently the suburbs are flooded and the trains aren't working. Eventually a few people who live nearby showed up, but most of the office won't be in today. In 2005 over a thousand people were killed during the floods and in July 2006 people got stuck at the office for two days because of flooding. I guess I should stock up on some water and snacks in case I get flooded in at the hotel. Not having a kitchen sucks it though and I'm sure even I would get sick of cookies after a few days.

I can't find rain boots or even closed shoes that would be waterproof. Apparently, according to shoe manufacturers, women here only wear sandals with sparkly things on them. Anyway, walking to the bus after work yesterday the Rs and I were talking about needing to find waterproof shoes to protect ourselves from the pooling water. And I was just about to comment on how cute the goat in front of us was - I'm totally in love with the goats - when it squatted and peed on the sidewalk. Damn it, goat, I'm trying to avoid the leptospirosis!

I didn't take this picture.

French History

2007-06-27T02:43:00.000-07:00

I wasn’t keeping this blog then so they’re old, but here are pictures from our trip to France over my winter break.

We flew into Frankfurt airport and had a few hours layover (5? 8? I don’t remember). We were exhausted but Andy had never been to Germany before and we had plenty of time to leave the airport. So, we caught a train and went to the main station in town. Only it was Christmas day or the day after and nothing was open except for what was in the train station.

Here is Andy eating a wiener at the Hauptbanhof. Andy loves German wieners.

The Germans love David Hasselhoff and want him to feel at home should he ever visit. They planted palm trees and attempted to recreate Southern California.

Ampelman. With the signal as a quasi-loin cloth.

One of the first things we saw in France were the remains of the Christmas celebrations. Snails. Sorry, I don’t know why it is blurry, its not like they were moving or anything.

Our first night was at a hotel near Sacre Coeur.

The next morning we went there but it was too foggy to get a good view of the city. Instead we took pictures of the gargoyles and windows.

Then we moved into our tiniest little apartment. A seven story walk up that overlooked Jardin des Plantes.

Our next door neighbor put his little bird out every morning to chirp and sing and get made fun of by the other, non-caged birds. I would post a picture but it is too blurry.

We went to a really interesting health museum.

I have a morbid fascination with the plague, how disease and illness used to be treated, and old scary medical equipment.

This was for foundlings. You put your baby inside and then spun it around. It opened into a hospital or convent. I don’t know if there was a safety rail on the inside or if kids tumbled out onto the floor all the time. Foundling.

We walked along the Seine. I will never be able to pronounce it correctly.

We walked past Notre Dame daily.

They look like they’re dancing. Like the guy next to the dragon is doing jazz hands. I'm pretty sure that it isn't what they were going for though.

We went to the crypts and Andy was frightened.

We saw ghosts. Ghosts who had cameras. And we were both frightened.

And walls and walls and walls of bones and sculls. Behind the nicely arranged facades the bones are supposedly just thrown in heaps.

I found the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets.

We went to the Eiffel Tower.

Andy was not impressed.

It was raining.

It was very cold and rained nearly every day. As you can see in most of the picture the sky is steel or no color. That no color is really bright.

I have better shoes than Andy for dealing with the cold. But his scarf is both beautiful and warm. I made it.

We went to Pere Lechaise Cemetery.

We saw where someone must've been buried prematurely but thankfully escaped.

And Oscar Wilde’s grave.

And Jim Morrison’s, for Elliot.

And Abelard and Heloise, for me.

We went to the sewers and were disappointed. We were expecting the old school Les Miserables and got the new school technology.

We climb the Arc de Triomphe one very cold night.

And took a picture with too much flash.

And climbed back down.

Andy loves French bread.

And gets very pleased with himself for making sandwiches.

We went to a nearby square, Mouffetard, for New Years.

There were fire works lit from champagne bottles.

Then we got very very sick and flew home.

Thick

2007-06-23T01:20:00.000-07:00

It barely rained yesterday and not at all the day before. Last night there was lightening and thunder but no deluge. Today the sky is no color and the air is thick and pregnant with water. It is hard to breath and the fans do little except push the warm, wet air around your body. I want the rain.

I do not, however, want the flooding or leptospirosis.

Yesterday I bought talc and today my feet are all slippy in my sandals.

Sorry you keep getting different shots of the same buildings but these are near where I live. These are from last Sunday morning. I think, maybe two weeks ago.

These are not of buildings you already know.
Does anyone know what kind of tree this is?

Scaffolding.

Stone.

Colaba at dusk.

The room with the open blue door is the room I work in.

Views from the balcony.

Courtyard.

Out the window

2007-06-21T00:07:00.000-07:00

I'm tryin to be better about remembering to take my camera out with me. As I'm working on that, here are some pictures taken out of various windows in my hotel.

These are from my non-a/c room.
This is a cat on a hot tin roof. Or actually on a hot concrete roof next to a hot tin roof in the shade of a water container.

I guess this was my coastal view.

These are from my current room.
Again its the G.P.O. with VT in the background.

Because the stamps and envelopes don't have adhesive on them you have to use this bowl of snot colored and textured stuff to seal your letters and and stick on the stamps. Gross.

This is the G.P.O.

For Andy. Another picture of me.

Private Dancer

2007-06-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from the art museum I went to on Sunday. Many of them are blurry because the light was dim and flash and tripods were not allowed.

These are pictures of the inside of the museum and the teak(?) arches.

Too bad ivory hunting is so disgusting and cruel - I recently read a National Geographic article, complete with pictures, about ivory poaching - because these ivory carvings were amazing. You can't tell, but in the first picture, there were figures inside.

These are from miniature paintings. They were behind glass and hard to get pictures of but the colors and detail are amazing so I kept trying.

After the movie the currator and I walked through nearly deserted streets - in Mumbai! - to get to the cafe. On our way there I was stopped by a guy who asked if I wanted to be in a Bollywood film. Would I ever! He said it would be dancing back-up to some pop star. And then he asked how many friends I could get together. As I was counting all four people I know he said "White people." And, until last night, I was the only white person I know in Mumbai. I said I wouldn't want to do it unless my friends could. He took my number and promised to call when there was something on a Sunday. I can't wait.

Here are some pictures from that walk.

This is part of Bombay University. Ok, this was actually taken on the walk to the theater.

These are random buildings.

These are kids playing cricket.

Churches and clocks!

Taxis!

Some stand that probably sells something!

For Allegra - a Parsi Agiary. I haven't been to the Towers of Silence but they do exist.

Monsoon

2007-06-19T05:23:00.000-07:00

Apparently the monsoon hit Mumbai on Monday. The weather service doesn't know how to classify the rain on Sunday. I have no idea why the rain on Sunday isn't the monsoon but the rain on Monday is.

Without Sugar

2007-06-18T05:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry the posts are few and far between. The internets here are tangled and I often don't have access.

This weekend, or Sunday really as I only have one day off a week, I went to the Prince of Whales Museum. Which has a newer name that starts with Chhatrapati Shivaji and then goes on for a really long time. Anyway, I went there with two people, one of whom was a curator at a museum and now works for a private collection. So, rad, I got my own super knowledgeable tour guide. After a while we left, there was heaps more to see but its 10 ruppees (25 cents) to get in so I didn't feel bad staying past my interest. As the monsoon is on its way I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunities to spend my weekend (I mean Sunday) in a museum.

After lunch we went to see Cheeni Kum at Eros. No, you dirties, not that Eros. Eros is a theater (not that kind, sheesh) in Churchgate. You buy assigned seats in the theater and the ones on the balcony cost more. We bought upper floor ones. Before the movie started we all had to stand while the Indian national anthem was played and a grainy Indian flag waved on the screen. The flag image was old and there were lines coming down the screen. When I told R it seemed like the beginning of Borat or something we started laughing. I tried to be really quite because the last thing I need is some nationalist kicking my ass. The Shiv Sena has been active tearing up cybercafes recently because there are anti-Shiv Sena groups on Orkut (a myspace, friendster, facebook esque thing). So yeah, I laughed but quietly.

After the movie it was another cafe. I feel like I blow through money here. I have to eat every meal out and its hard to keep translating costs to dollars. My hotel is expensive (for me) and I'm spending more here in rent than I do in San Francisco. R is sharing a studio with two other people and will be paying about $400 a month. Not 400 ruppees, 400 dollars.

I have pictures but bringing my camera to work to upload is a pain in the ass. So is going out and buying a memory card reader. Or a pair of scissors for that matter.

Anyway, work is still meh. Its cooling down and has rained the past three days but its not the monsoon yet. I've found a few cafes I can get beers - or Bicardi Breezers as they are offered everywhere and seem quite popular with the ladies - at without too much staring and tonight I'm going to karaoke. I'm forsaking the salwaar kameez for jeans and a t-shirt to go out, tattoos and lechery be damned.

Housing

2007-06-08T02:17:00.000-07:00

Finding a place to live in Mumbai is neither easy nor cheap. I picked my hotel because it was one of only a few that I could contact from the US. When I first got here I paid for a single occupancy air conditioned room without a bathroom. The bathroom was at the other end of the hall and was often occupied for an hour in the morning, but it was clean. When I had my first round of food poisoning I just puked in my trashcan and carried it to the bathroom to rinse out afterwards.

After I got a bit settled I tried to find a room as a paying guest - basically renting a room in someone's house. The rooms I saw where kind of yucky, often with mildew on the walls. Or there would be some leering son or nephew who lived in the house. Or they were too far away from work. I only saw a few rooms and all but one had some problem. But, because housing is so crazy here you have to pay a broker one months rent so it is actually cheaper for me to stay in the hotel than to get the one decent room. So, to save a couple hundred dollars I downgraded from an a/c room to non-a/c.

The first time I was moved there were roaches in my new room. So the hotel said they'd spray - I went out to dinner and came back an hour later to a freshly sprayed room. With roaches crawling on the walls. They moved me again. The room I have now is bigger and I like it better than my original room and is closer to the common bathroom but it is so effing hot. I have a window that looks out onto an alleyway and I leave it open while I'm there and awake. I'm too afraid of rats or bugs climbing in to leave it open at night though. Which means that my room - even with the fan - becomes so unbearably hot that I can't sleep. Still, I haven't seen any bugs in the room.

Yesterday after work I went to look at some different hotels. Cheaper hotels that are supposedly in a better neighborhood. Apparently where I live isn't that great of a neighborhood. But I like where I live. I think it is convenient to a lot of things and I don't really get hassled on the street. This other neighborhood is more touristy so people pull on my clothes or following me with their hands out stretched in my face. But the rooms were cheaper. So I went to look and the first one was nice, its close to the ocean, the window didn't open onto an alleyway and had a grate so birds couldn't fly in, there was an a/c and it was nearly half of what I'll pay at my place. And there were bugs on the walls. So I walked up some more stairs to the hotel above that one. It was all dark wood and the narrow hallway reminded me of an old train. And the rooms were created by wood partitions that didn't go all the way to the ceiling. So I walked up some more stairs to the final hotel in the building. And the room they showed me was a cell without a window and a huge stain on the bed.

After looking at the rooms and having a mango juice that costs half as much on my street corner, I decided to walk down a less populated street to look at some old British style hotels. Each hotel or house has at least one guard in front. There was one other guy walking down the street. Because it was night and dark and unpopulated I made sure to walk about 10 feet behind the guy. I looked up at a house and then, all of the sudden, the guy wasn't in front of me anymore. I turned around really fast and he was about a foot away from me reaching out to grab me with a grin? leer? on his face. I put my hands up and said "hey" kind of loud. He wagged his head and backed off. I realize I should probably not say 'hey' because it sounds very similar to 'yes' in Hindi but whatever, it worked. It sucked though because we were almost exactly halfway through the block and I had to make sure to keep an eye on him and enough distance until I got to a more populated street. Better neighborhood my ass.

I think I'm going to stay where I am. But I'm going to shell out for the a/c. With monsoon coming and cases of denegue fever already being reported, I don't want to risk keeping an open window. And I'm sick of sleeping in a pool of my own sweat.

On my way to work

2007-06-07T01:54:00.000-07:00

I take a taxi from my hotel to work every morning. It costs me less than a dollar. On the ride we pass a lot of slums. They were destroyed by the government a few weeks before I came but were quickly rebuilt with plastic sheeting and cloth. They line the street on either side. There is no sidewalk, no curb: nothing to keep the chaos of the traffic from riding into their living rooms.

Traffic in Mumbai is insane. I have yet to figure out the rules. Sometimes cars stop for red lights but I think only during rush hour. Before and after certain hours it seems that red lights are merely a suggestion that no one follows. The horns are a constant cacophony that Pants complains of if I’m on the street while we talk. I don’t usually get motion sickness but the cab ride from the airport to my hotel made me nauseous. The rides are frightening but I’m only really scared with the horn stops working. I guess one rule I’ve figured out is that horns are a necessity. People who are stopped at red lights start honking before the light changes green. I’ve only recently realized it is probably to warn the pedestrians to get out of the way. Cars don’t wait for you to finish crossing the street, you get caught between rushing cars and have to hold your breath and stand on your tiptoes to avoid getting your feet run over.

Anyway, as traffic rushes by without lanes people who live in the slums sleep on the ground, their legs inches from rushing tires. Children run naked, seemingly unsupervised, inches from the traffic. Women dash out between cars to hang their laundry to dry on the center divider. And every morning I watch countless people start their day. I see people covered in soap lather bathing, women combing and braiding each other’s hair, men shaving, people brushing their teeth in public fountains, and families cooking breakfast.

I’m not going to take or post pictures because I’m not invited into their lives to watch this. This all occurs in public out of necessity. The people are oblivious to the traffic and to those of us passing by with a view into their routine; they are just getting ready for their day.

I know many people find slums really depressing. I don’t think these are. Having read a little about the people who live in the slums’ desire to maintain community space and shared living it seems that there is choice; people live here because they choose to, not solely for necessity. I know that they don’t have unlimited choices and that the lifestyle is one with difficulties I can’t imagine. Maybe my whole perspective will change when the monsoon comes and the streets are flooded, the people living in waist deep water. The newspapers have already started reporting the casualties of the monsoon illnesses and the cases of nonfatal water borne illnesses. Maybe when the kids I see every afternoon on the hand turned carnival ride are squatting on the street corner sick with diarrhea rather than playing the slums will be different to me.

Edited to say:

I don't think I'm romanticizing life in the slums. I'm not claiming that there is something pure or beautiful or "authentic" about living in the slums. I'm just saying that there is some autonomy in this decision and that makes it less sad to me than I expected. This isn't always true, of course. When I saw a girl of about 12 sitting on the sidewalk by the Oval Maidan washing herself I almost cried. On my walk I first passed the younger kids all stripped and being scrubbed by the girl and presumably her parents. It was kind of cute as the kids were squealing and playing with the soap. Then, on the walk back I saw the girl sitting naked bathing herself. Thinking about the awkwardness of going through puberty and then having to do it so publicly made me really sad.

Caves

2007-06-06T01:21:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of the caves.

This is a giant lingam, Shiva's symbol. I did not join in taking off my shoes and walking around the phallus, touching it and praying. I wouldn't know what to pray for. There was, however, this tiny little girl following her mother, toughing the stone and then putting her hands in prayer position.

And here is a monkey drinking water because, really, there can never be too many monkey pictures.

Here are your damned monkeys

2007-06-04T00:40:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was my weekend. I walked to the Gateway of India to take a boat to Elephanta Island. These are pictures of my walk.

First I had breakfast at the Taj Hotel. It was built by an Indian who was denied entrance into a swank British only hotel. Its super posh and the only Indians I saw in it were the staff. I paid about $20 for a breakfast buffet. The tea was horrible but at least I got to eat a ton of fresh fruit. This is the Taj.

Then I got on a boat. It was about an hour ride and it was nice because there was a cool breeze. Everyone was amazed by the tattoo on my wrist of a bird. I ended up meeting a family because of it and later, on the island, they gave me lunch. It was really good. I, of course, forgot to take a picture of them. The patriarch of the family was the only one who spoke to me. I don't know if his kids and grandkids didn't speak English or if they were shy. He was really sweet. I'd noticed him before getting on the boat because he was super excited. He works on an island that we passed to get to Elephanta. When I asked if they came to Elephanta often he told me it was their first time because he was always too busy.

There are 4 small fishing villages on the island and some caves carved into the rocks with images of Shiva. Here is the walk up to the caves.

And here are your damned monkeys. They are scary and want your food. They also are cute and play in the trees. And sometimes they groom eachother's butts.

Then I got back on a boat to go to Mumbai. The boat ride back was rough, I got drenched and a bunch of people puked over the sides of the boat. Again, I forgot to take pictures.

The caves themselves deserve not to be overpowered by cute monkeys. I'll post pictures of them in another post.

India

2007-06-01T04:29:00.000-07:00

Hi.

I'm well. India is overwhelming. My job is underwhelming. Here are some pictures.

The view from the window in the hallway of my hotel. I would take a picture out of the window of my room but they are opaque plastic and don't open. The building in the foreground is the General Post Office. To buy stamps I had to stand in 3 different lines for 3 different things - weighing the envelopes; telling someone at a different window how much they weighed; sending the stamped envelopes. The building in the back is Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus. Chhatrapati Shivaji is credited with defeating the Mughal rulers. The name was changed in the 1990s. Not to stir up trouble or anything.

Feeding pigeons is a form of worship for Jains. Taking hurt pigeons to the emergency room is a habit of my brother's.

This was taken around 8 am this morning. In a few hours the place would be packed with stalls on either side.

You deserve a break today that you don't even have to leave the house for.

Going Away

2007-05-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

Last night some friends met up at -redacted- to wish me goodbye forever. Not really, just the summer.

When Pants and I arrived there was a person passed out propped up against the door. I forgot my ID and cash so I had to run home right away. By the time I got back the person propped against the door was gone and I was sweaty. Apparently passed out guy happens frequently because a woman had gone behind the bar, put some ice in a towel, and held it against his neck to wake him up. When she came back in she said "Works every time." And then dumped the ice back in the ice container and wrung the water out of the cloth back into it. I stuck with beer.

illcutyou has hot new hair.

Tadhg and Pants were jovial.

Dani and Allegra were happy. Mark was somber.

Apparently Feliz is always photogenic. Graham, not so much.

Smelliot and I were serious.
And then not so much.

There was biting.

Pants and I have mixed feelings about me leaving for two months.

Seven

2007-05-15T09:57:00.001-07:00

You know how gmail is all creepy and reads your emails and then suggests things you might like on the sidebar? Kind of like a stalkery lover who reads your old journals and then makes up a junior high history to match yours: "Man, I used to think that Robert Smith was the only person who really got me, you know?" Ok, maybe that isn't such a good example because, well, who didn't feel that way? Anyway, the point - gmail thinks its being helpful, I think it is creepy. A friend just sent an email saying 7 eve on Sunday would work - gmail suggested I get my DNA tested to trace the 7 daughters of eve. Jeez, gmail, could you be any stupider? I want drinks, not a DNA test. Thats like misreading my journal to think I felt like my parents really understood me at 13 and Robert Smith just didn't understand.

One and a half down

2007-05-13T15:32:00.000-07:00

I've finished one of my papers. Yay! It was the 30-40 (I ended up at 39) and is graded. I'm more than halfway done my 15 page graded one and am just starting to get things together for my 25-30 ungraded. I feel a lot better and Pants has been an amazing editor and cheerleader. Thanks Pants!

Today I took a few hours off and Pants and I walked to Dolores, shared a watermelon and did the crossword puzzle.

I haven't been sleeping well lately and I've been having crazy nightmares. I tried a sleeping pill and, while it helped me stay asleep it didn't get me to sleep. Last night I did two shots of vodka before bed. I slept through the night and didn't have any nightmares but for a while before I fell asleep I felt like I was going to puke. Tonight I'm going to try wine. Nothing like using alcohol to deal with stress.

I am behind schedule

2007-05-08T17:05:00.000-07:00

I had two more appointments at the health center today. I got my last shot! No more vaccinations ever! Be warned, once they wear off I'll be spreading disease like it's the 1700s!

I had a few hours between appointments and ended up spending time in the health center working on my paper. It is sunny and bright and there are outlets every two feet unlike the stupid cafe I went to and bought a coffee in before I realized there was no power source. Anyway, I was on the second floor and at one point the elevator door opened *Ding* and I heard this woman who has a very distinct voice and works at the center say: "I mean, the Japanese are just so refined." *Ding* The door closed again. Um, WTF? Like sugar?

I have been having the worst allergies ever lately. So bad my nose bled. I never had allergies growing up and now I'm all dorky with glasses and hay fever. Did I mention I'm thinking about getting braces? I'll have to make Pants sign something committing him to staying with me at least until the braces comes off because, oh my god, could I be any dorkier?

Birdy

2007-05-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

To appease Pants, here is a picture of Birdy. And, in the background, you can see the picture I referenced about when we hiked to the mine in Joshua Tree.

Clinics

2007-05-03T16:59:00.000-07:00

I just got a call from the director of the other clinic I applied to. I've been pre-accepted for the spring semester. Which means, I was not accepted for the fall semester. She explained that they really want me but because my flight from India doesn't get back until the day of the mandatory training session - which I would miss, of course - they couldn't accept me for the fall.

I sent out an application to an internship for the fall earlier today and I have three other places I'm applying to so I'll hopefully be able to find something other than taking classes. And although the clinic director had really nice things to say about my background and wanting me for the clinic, it still kind of makes me feel like crying.

Ahoy

2007-05-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

So, I've just posted in Myspace that I'm moving over here. And here I am.

I am having a horribly difficult time with my school work these days. I just found out I didn't get into a clinic I applied for and that, combined with the stress of trying to write four different papers right now, kind of works to make me feel incompetent and crappy about myself. I know that it isn't that big of deal that I didn't get into the clinic - I didn't put any effort into the application because I wasn't sure I even wanted to apply until minutes before the deadline - but still, after applying I'd been thinking I actually did want it. And, not knowing what the hell I want to do with my life makes this really hard. I feel like I'm passing up opportunities I should be taking advantage of because I don't know what I want. And then, when I finally decide, it'll be too late.

So, instead of working on my finals which I really need to do I'm looking at jobs all over the US and asking Pants if he'd consider moving to Kentucky or Idaho. WTF. I won't consider moving to Kentucky or Idaho. I'm just scared I'm going to leave school with nothing lined up and, while I know my degree itself will count for something, the competition for it to count for something around here is pretty big. Not so much in Kentucky. Of course I'm going to be graduating with over $100,000 in debt and the public defenders jobs (which I don't even want) in some places pay a big fat $32,000 per year. Someone tell me why I'm here again.

Another distraction the other night was to look at children waiting for adoption. Which of course left me sobbing and wondering how many kids Pants and I could fit into our apartment. The answer, of course, being none. Especially not ten 12 year olds with emotional and behavioral issues resulting from years of abuse and neglect.

OK, after this cheerful post I think I'll start working on my death penalty final. Which, according to my well planned out schedule I'm two days behind on! Yay!